When they say "don't worry!" they make me wanna laugh them in the face. When I listen to Bob Marley singing "don't worry, be happy; don't worry cause when you worry your face will frown and that'll bring everybody down" that sounds to me like very clever irony and I love it.
But when doctors do tell me to stop worrying for a while and take a break I don't feel like respecting them anymore. They say: don't worry, relax, don't write. Do not write? Do not write?! Maybe stop breathing would be a solution to air pollution harms following their logic?..
So I just can't be silent. I need to write to live, to breathe, to stay okay, to keep the track of my emotions and thoughts. I need that. If I don't write I see to little point in eating to eat at all. And when I write I do get hungry sometimes. Which doesn't mean that writing could be a solution to my no-eating problem but that does help.
How would you feel if someone died who never lived?
I somehow feel unable to get rid of it. Someone died. And yet, someone is still alive. But this someone is someone else. Not the one I did love, not the one I did care for, not the one who used to be my friend.
This feels strange.
How can I trust after having been stabbed in the back? This my black and white perception of the world around is no good but still lie is something I see no excuse for.
I am too trustful which means I can't just show the part of me to the people I do care about, I do like, I do fancy. If I open I open it wide. I expect from people too much more than they are ready to give me.
So I just try to stay away – not to get hurt. You won't touch a steaming hot something once being burned, would you?
Every idol turns to be human anyways.
Person is a person and nothing can change that – however much popular person is this person stays human being and nothing more than that, no less though. S/he breathes and laughs, cries and, yeah, dies... And this person is no more or less than a ill-fated child in his hands.
