Friday, 29 February 2008

I feel robbed

I feel robbed. I feel fucking robbed. And please, do not take it so seriously, guys, it’s my another weeping, okay? So, I do feel so fucking robbed of this life! What a nice metaphor I’ve found – robbed, yeah, that’s exactly how I feel: robbed of something very valuable, something that belongs to me by right, something that must be mine and is not here.
I know it is stupid to hate myself for protecting me from bad people but this protection ends in having too little people around. This protection even ends in having evil snake under my jacket. I ask myself what is the sense in being so reserved if people still break my heart all the time? They just come and do it, day after day.
I know I just can’t help staying away from people but sometimes I can still travel two paths: deny new people or try to accept them in vague hope for meeting somebody good.
It is impossible to choose actually whether to trust a person or not – it just happens, I do trust a person or I just don’t. I mostly don’t.
So I feel robbed of something beautiful people have in their lives. I wonder how people manage to find such huge bunches of hilarious and trustworthy people they feel comfortable with. Human communication, relationships are the most valuable things society provides and they rot too often to stay optimistic.
A person is like a tree growing out there in the woods, developing some relationships-branches and some of them just start rotting and fall off as times goes by, some still stay and grow stronger and bigger.

And one thing I really want to state: I hate internet for giving me an opportunity to get all this information about the people I know and am interested in, I hate it because I simply cannot resist and I do find something I’d love to not know but my curiosity just makes me find it and my searching skills do provide everything I want to know and much more usually. It is impossible to resist the temptation to ask Google a question or two since you’ve been doing it for a couple of years on a regular basis, you know what I mean.